Saying Goodbye (jack)

Saying goodbye continues to be my most challenging time in Haiti. This is my third time in Haiti in 12 months, and it does not get easier. On this trip, I wanted to be more focused on one thing, relationships. I wanted to build a relationship with three young men that had made the effort and of keeping in contact via facebook or The Savini’s from the January trip. In January I met them and I thought of them often. It seems to me that when you visit an orphanage you tend to gravitate to the little cuties knee high. Honestly I do, my maternal desire gravitates to the little bitty ones. But what of the older ones? The ones who have many chores and a lot of children to help care for? So my focus was going to be primarily Eastwood, Josias, Yvens and of coursed I snuck in a big hug with Moles ( who just melts my heart when he sings) and Billie Jean (who I fell in love with instantly in January).
Eastwood and I had agreed that we would meet nightly to learn/ practice English and I learn Creole and that's how it started in the beginning of the week. As the week progressed there was a shift from studying to sharing life. We talked about my piti gason (son) a lot. They were very interested in how he was like, what did he like, what was his style? We talked about music, America, and Haiti. I think of the conversations I have with my son, that sound so different and wonder how could I leave and leave them here. My heart rejoices when I see them playing with Erik, Caleb and Bobby. I marvel at how God brought our three American teens to impact these three Haitian teens and so many more.
Tonight, our last night together, I sat with GiGi (Who's smile and servant heart has stolen the hearts of many of us), Yvens and my very quiet and loving Josias. We sang, cried, prayed and just sat in silence. Josias writes me everyday I am here; Yvens just listens to Eastwood and I when we talk. Eastwood is the one with many questions of America and acts as the protector of Jacqueline a lot. Eastwood seems to be a leader in the pack, he excels in sports, is a great musician and is very smart, he speaks the most English of the three and if he doesn't know he uses my Google translator (if we have internet), my dictionaries or goes finds a translator. One way or another he will get his question answered.
Tonight’s conversations were very sad. Conversations of "don't forget me", "I will miss you", "pray for me" and "I wish I could go with you". I wondered if building relationships here was wise, it's so much easier to just not attach yourself. I wonder if I hurt them more than help? I cried, they cried. I promised, God willing I will come back soon but that did not bring their bright smiles back. Eastwood, retreated to bed early tonight, and maybe it was much better to not go through the goodbye process with him. That goodbye is one I cannot do with composure. Josias, when asked "kouman ou ye?" (How are you?) All he could say in his soft voice, "not good." Nothing more was spoken but his letter tonight was the hardest to read. Yvens, the one I see so alive for God, we prayed for each other in our respective languages and cried. Immediately after our prayer he retreated quickly and went to bed.
Getting to know these young men has inspired me in so many levels. In what may my role be in the lives of young people in my community, in Haiti and specifically in theirs?
My time in Haiti as expected has been fulfilling, it's been a blessing, and has again opened my eyes to more.

Tonight is especially difficult and tomorrow, well tomorrow will not be any better.